🕊️ Introduction
For decades, many people have learned to understand loss through the five stages of grief – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. While this framework has helped millions name what they feel, it can also leave others confused or pressured to “move through” grief in order.
At The Loss Foundation, we believe there’s no single map for mourning. Grief isn’t a checklist or a straight line – it’s a deeply personal process that changes shape over time.
💭 Where the Five Stages Came From
The idea of “five stages” comes from psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, who originally described these emotions while studying people facing terminal illness. Over time, the model was applied to bereavement – often oversimplified into the idea that everyone experiences grief in the same order.
In reality, even Kübler-Ross herself later clarified that these stages were never meant to be prescriptive. People may revisit certain emotions, skip others, or experience them all at once.
🌊 Why Grief Isn’t Linear
Grief tends to move in waves – periods of intensity followed by calm. You might feel sadness, anger, laughter, or relief, sometimes within hours of each other. This fluctuation is natural and healthy.
You may notice that:
- Some days feel “heavier” for no clear reason.
- You can laugh, work, and still feel profound loss.
- Certain triggers – anniversaries, smells, or songs – bring feelings rushing back.
These experiences don’t mean you’re “stuck” or “not coping.” They mean your heart is learning to live alongside loss.
🧭 New Ways to Understand Grief
Modern grief research offers several alternative models that reflect the complexity and individuality of loss, including:
- Dual Process Model (Stroebe & Schut) – shows how people move between grieving and daily life.
- Continuing Bonds Theory (Klass, Silverman & Nickman) – recognises that maintaining a relationship with the deceased can be healthy.
- Meaning Reconstruction Model (Neimeyer) – focuses on finding meaning and identity after loss.
These frameworks don’t replace the five stages – they expand our understanding, helping people see that there are many healthy ways to grieve.
💛 What Helps Most
- Be patient with your emotions. Grief isn’t something to complete — it’s something to carry with care.
- Let your grief ebb and flow. You don’t have to stay in one “stage.”
- Seek support. Whether through counselling, group support, or trusted friends, being witnessed in grief can help provide comfort, connection and opportunity to express your feelings.
📖 Further Reading
- Dual Process Model of Grief – How we oscillate between loss and restoration
- Continuing Bonds Theory – Why maintaining connection matters
- Tasks of Mourning – A step-by-step approach to adapting after loss
🩶 Closing Thought
There’s comfort in frameworks – but your grief doesn’t need to fit into boxes to be valid.
What matters most is how you honour your loss, not how neatly it follows a model.
🧠 Explore How the ‘Stages of Grief’ Work
The “stages” of grief are one of the most familiar frameworks people turn to when trying to understand loss – yet they’re often interpreted too literally.
Our Stages of Grief guide breaks down where the model came from, what each stage represents, and how it can offer insight without suggesting grief moves in tidy steps.
Explore the page to learn:
📘 A clear explanation of what the Five Stages do – and don’t – mean
🧭 Why grief shifts over time rather than progressing in order
🌊 How emotions can rise and fall in waves
🧩 Other grief models that may resonate more deeply with your experience