9, 10, and 12 Stages of Grief: Exploring the Complex Journey of Loss

Grief is a deeply personal and complex emotional experience that can manifest in many ways. While most people are familiar with the five stages of grief, more extensive frameworks have emerged to capture the varied and nuanced journey of loss. Among these are the 9 stages of grief, 10 stages of grieving, and 12 stages of grief. These expanded models attempt to account for the diverse emotional, psychological, and physical responses that individuals might experience after a loss.

A note on our view on the stages of grief: Instead of viewing loss as a linear progression through set stages of grief, we approach it as a dynamic process with periods of intensity and calm, often described as waves that ebb and flow over time. However, this page describes the so-called eight stages, and goes on to explain our thoughts on loss.

Understanding the Expanded Models

The 9, 10, and 12 stages of grief aim to provide a broader, more detailed framework for the grieving process. These models build on the idea that grief is not a simple, linear progression but rather an intricate and multifaceted experience that can unfold in a variety of ways. Here’s a brief overview of what these expanded frameworks typically include:

The 9 stages of grief are designed to highlight the diverse emotions and actions that can arise during grief.

1. Shock – A sense of disbelief or numbness following the loss.
2. Denial – Refusing to acknowledge the reality of the loss.
3. Bargaining – Making deals or promises in the hopes of reversing the loss.
4. Guilt – Feeling regret over actions, words, or situations leading up to the loss.
5. Anger – Experiencing frustration, resentment, or even rage about the situation.
6. Depression – Deep sadness, loss of hope, and isolation.
7. Fear – Anxiety about the future and what life will look like without the loved one.
8. Acceptance – Coming to terms with the loss and beginning to find peace.
9. Reintegration – Reconnecting with the world, taking steps forward with the loss integrated into one’s life.
10. Healing – A stage in which the individual begins to heal emotionally and reconnect with life.

The 10-stages of grief model builds upon the previous framework, adding a stage that addresses the process of healing.

1. Shock and Disbelief
2. Denial
3. Bargaining
4. Guilt and Regret
5. Anger
6. Depression
7. Loneliness
8. Adjustment
9. Acceptance
10. Healing – A stage in which the individual begins to heal emotionally and reconnect with life.

The 12-stage grief model goes even further in breaking down grief into specific emotional and psychological phases, capturing even subtler aspects of the grieving journey.

1. Shock
2. Denial
3. Guilt
4. Anger
5. Fear
6. Despair
7. Resentment
8. Hope
9. Rejection
10. Relief
11. Acceptance
12. Resolution – A deeper integration of the loss into the person’s life and identity.

Each of these stages reflects a unique emotional response, and while they can provide insight into what one may go through after a loss, it’s important to recognise that not everyone will experience grief in exactly the same way or in a neat, linear order.

The Loss Foundation’s Perspective on Stage-Based Models

While some find the stage-based models of grief helpful in understanding their experience, we take a slightly different approach. Rather than focusing on specific stages to progress through, we view grief as a series of waves. These waves ebb and flow over time, with moments of intense emotion followed by quieter times. Grief is not something to be “completed,” but rather something to be integrated into one’s life, allowing the person to continue moving forward while honouring the memory of their loved one.

Acute and Integrated Grief: Our Approach to Grief Phases

Our framework at The Loss Foundation incorporates the concepts of acute grief and integrated grief, which offer a more flexible and compassionate understanding of grief.

Acute Grief
Acute grief often follows immediately after a loss. It is characterised by intense emotions such as disbelief, yearning, sorrow, and even numbness. During this phase, people may experience physical exhaustion, confusion, and a sense of detachment from the world around them. The emotional pain can feel overwhelming, and it can be hard to imagine a life without the person who has been lost.

Integrated Grief
With time, support, and self-compassion, many individuals transition into a phase of integrated grief. This does not mean “moving on” or forgetting about the loss, but rather finding a way to coexist with it. In this phase, grief becomes a part of one’s identity, not the defining feature of existence. While it doesn’t erase the pain of the loss, integrated grief allows people to continue engaging with life, finding ways to honour the memory of their loved one while moving forward with new experiences.

The Five Stages of Grief, introduced by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, offer one perspective on processing loss—moving through denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. While this model has helped many, it has also faced criticism for suggesting a linear path when grief is often complex and deeply personal. In The Grief Journey Workbook, we examine this framework alongside a more flexible, individualised approach, allowing you to explore what truly aligns with your experience.

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