An 8 year reflection – Navigating grief
I am now 8 years into living life without my daughter here.
Zoë died just two months before her second birthday; after 18 months of fighting a rare type of leukaemia.
8 years on and who am I now? I am not the same person I was before, nor do I want to be. I have been marked forever by a love that would have me cross every ocean for just one more moment with her.
The experience of a profound loss as a bereaved mother that only those who have walked its path can truly understand.
But these 8 years of missing her have carved something new in me… and it continues to grow with each passing year without her. I now see in me the emergence of a deep compassion and longing to encourage those who know deep sorrow, because I have lived in that land, and I can empathise with those who are passing through its dry and barren borders – weary, desolate, heartbroken. I still carry the marks of living in that land like an old weathered tattoo – the edges are less defined now but the shape will always be visible if you look hard enough. And I would not want to change that experience because it’s made me who I am today.
I find now, my direction of travel is set to a new course – one of finding new meaning, purpose and hope.
A navigation route which searches out those who need courage, hope and understanding – my life now resembles a compass for others, it’s ‘North’ pointing to healing and hope.
If you find yourself living in the land of pain & loss – please know you are passing through (even if doesn’t feel like you’ll ever leave).
And when you are ready, no matter how long it takes, head North – you will find others to guide you on the way
If you’d like to learn more about the work we’re doing in Zoë’s memory, my husband and I set up the Zoë Hope Fund – a fund on The Children & Young People’s Cancer Association website – supporting research into Acute Lymphoblastic Leukaemia. You can also find us on Instagram at @zoe.hopefund where we share updates and reflections on our journey.
🧠 Understand the ‘Stages’ of Grief
The idea of “stages” is one of the most widely recognised ways people make sense of grief – but it’s often misunderstood.
Our Stages of Grief page explains where the model came from, what the stages really mean, and how they can help (without implying grief follows a neat, linear path).
Explore the page to learn:
📘 What the Five Stages really are (and aren’t)
🧭 Why grief doesn’t follow a straight line
🌊 How emotions can come in waves
🧩 How different grief models may help you