When someone we love dies, the world as we knew it shifts. Things that once felt certain can suddenly seem unfamiliar – even we can feel unfamiliar to ourselves.
At The Loss Foundation, we often hear people ask: “Will I ever feel like myself again?”
The truth is, grief doesn’t just affect our emotions; it can quietly reshape our identity, values, and sense of purpose.
💫 Grief as Transformation
Grief can feel like both a breaking and a remaking. In the beginning, loss may seem to strip away who you were. But over time, many people find it also reveals new parts of who they are – deeper empathy, changed priorities, or a renewed appreciation for life.
Psychologist Robert Neimeyer’s Meaning Reconstruction Model describes grief as a process of rebuilding meaning after loss. Rather than “getting over” someone, we begin to understand how their life and death have changed our own story.
💭 Why We Change After Loss
A major loss can prompt us to ask big questions:
- Who am I now without them?
- What truly matters to me?
- How do I carry their memory forward?
These questions are not signs of being lost; they are the beginnings of rebuilding. This reflective process helps you make sense of a changed world – and, eventually, find a new way to belong in it.
💛 Finding Meaning in Everyday Life
Meaning-making doesn’t always come from big moments. It often lives in small acts:
- Keeping a loved one’s values alive through kindness or creativity
- Continuing traditions or rituals in their honour
- Using your experience to support someone else who is grieving
Each act may help weave your loss into an ongoing story, turning pain into purpose.
🪞 Supporting Your Evolving Identity
- Allow change. You’re not “going backwards” – you’re growing into someone shaped by love and loss.
- Reflect regularly. Journalling or counselling can help clarify what’s emerging for you.
- Stay open to connection. Talking about how you’ve changed can deepen your relationships with others.
📖 Further Reading
- Meaning Reconstruction Model – Rebuilding identity after loss
- Continuing Bonds Theory – Maintaining connection with loved ones
- Resilience Model of Grief – Adapting through change
🩶 Closing Thought
Everyone’s experience of loss is different, and not everyone feels changed in the same way.
You might find that grief shifts your perspective, or you may simply learn to live alongside it. Either way, you may want to think of this time as an invitation – not to “move on,” but to gently discover how your love, memories, and identity can coexist in a new way.
🧠 Explore How the ‘Stages of Grief’ Work
The “stages” of grief are one of the most familiar frameworks people turn to when trying to understand loss – yet they’re often interpreted too literally.
Our Stages of Grief guide breaks down where the model came from, what each stage represents, and how it can offer insight without suggesting grief moves in tidy steps.
Explore the page to learn:
📘 A clear explanation of what the Five Stages do – and don’t – mean
🧭 Why grief shifts over time rather than progressing in order
🌊 How emotions can rise and fall in waves
🧩 Other grief models that may resonate more deeply with your experience