🤝 Attachment Theory and Grief – Overview
Rooted in the pioneering work of John Bowlby, and later expanded on in relation to grief by Colin Murray Parkes, Attachment Theory views grief as a natural and deeply human response to losing an important emotional bond.
Our attachments form the basis of our safety, identity, and connection. When a loved one dies, that attachment system is disrupted, which can trigger deep yearning, anxiety, or a sense of disorientation.
Over time, healing involves reorganising those attachment bonds internally, finding new ways to maintain connection through memory, meaning, and continuing influence, rather than physical presence.
In contrast to the Five Stages of Grief model, Attachment Theory emphasises that grief reflects the disruption of deep emotional bonds, showing why feelings of yearning, anxiety, or disorientation can persist and fluctuate rather than follow a linear sequence.
🙌 How It Helps
Understanding grief through the lens of attachment can help people see that intense emotions come from love, not weakness.
Attachment theory reframes grief as a normal response to the loss of safety and connection, helping ease shame or confusion about why loss feels so destabilising.
🤍 May Be Helpful If…
- You’re struggling to understand why your grief feels so powerful or consuming.
- You’ve lost someone who was a major source of comfort, security or identity.
- You want reassurance that strong emotions and longing are a natural part of attachment loss.
📌 Tips for Using This Model
- Reflect on the role your loved one played in your sense of safety and identity.
- Find gentle ways to internalise that bond – through rituals, letters, or shared values.
- If grief feels overwhelming, therapy can help explore your attachment patterns and how they shape your grieving.
📖 Further Reading
Attachment and Loss, Volume III – Loss, Sadness and Depression, John Bowlby
Remember: these models are simply ways of understanding grief. You are the expert in your own experience, and you never need to fit yourself into any single model.
Take what’s helpful and leave the rest.
Grief Models: Online Course
Psychological models offer structure for understanding the many emotions and changes that grief brings. They help professionals – and anyone supporting someone who is grieving make sense of the experience and respond with empathy, clarity, and confidence.
👥 See real case studies that bring theory to life
🕯️ Understand continuing bonds, meaning-making, tasks of mourning, and more
🛠️ Practical tools for real-world settings
📘 Worksheets to use in sessions