Losing someone close is undoubtedly one of life’s most challenging experiences. It’s natural to feel unsure about how to convey your support during such a sensitive time.
If you’re unsure of where to start, here are some simple tips to guide you in writing a card that not only conveys empathy but also provides meaningful comfort and support:
1. Choose a Card with Care
Go beyond the standard sympathy card section
Look beyond the standard sympathy card section and opt for something with a design you think they’d appreciate. It doesn’t have to be traditional; many sympathy cards can be uninspiring.
Consider a blank card if you want to personalise it
A handwritten message can be particularly meaningful amidst the sea of similar sentiments. And less is more – don’t feel you have to write a lot to convey meaning. Sometimes just letting someone know you are thinking of them and there to talk is enough.
Choose a humourous card…
If appropriate and if you know your recipient well, a humorous card might also lighten their spirits, especially if they are likely to receive a lot of traditional cards, which tend to make people more sad.
2. Mention the Person Who’s Died (If Appropriate)
It’s kind to acknowledge the person who was important to them, and maybe to even mention a quality of theirs that stands out to you. You could say something like:
“I was so sorry to hear about [loved one’s name]. I know they brought so much to your life. And I will always hold closely how friendly they were to everyone they met”
Or…
If unsure about specifics, a general acknowledgment works too: “I know this is a difficult time for you. I’m thinking of you.”
3. Extend Support Beyond the Card
Let them know you’re there for them in practical ways:
“Would you like to grab coffee sometime?” or “Let’s get lunch next week.”
“If there’s anything I can do to help at home, please don’t hesitate to ask.”
“Please know my door is always open if you need someone to talk to.”
Be sure to follow up later on your offer, showing you genuinely care about their well-being.
Remember: Even a simple message can make a big difference. Your gesture of support – a card, a listening ear, a shared memory – can bring comfort and let them know that they are not alone during this difficult time.
Checking in beyond sending a card
We so often hear from those we support that there is a flurry of condolences when someone dies and a feeling of being supported by many. However, this flurry tends to dissipate very quickly and it’s often only a few weeks after someone has died that people tend to start feeling very lonely in their loss.
Sending a card is a loving gesture, and one you can do at any time point in grief, it doesn’t just have to be shortly after a loss. Checking in with people after time has passed can be even more meaningful and can tackle any isolation they may be experiencing.
Those who are struggling tend to find it hard to ask for help or to bring up their grief, but there is a strong chance they may want to talk about it. So be direct – ask them how grief is feeling, what life is feeling like, if they would like to talk about their loved one or share memories. They can decline, but for some it will be the most welcome invitation.
If you’re worried about someone who’s grieving, you may want to suggest they seek help from a professional like a GP or counsellor.
You can also send a link to our support services – for individuals whose loved one died from cancer
Widowed and Young – for anyone who’s lost a partner before their 51st birthday
Sands – for individuals who’ve lost a baby.
Cruse – Support for anyone who’s grieving.
Also bear in mind that supporting someone in grief can be emotional for all involved, so take care of yourself too.
