Grief doesn’t always look like sadness in a child

When a child is bereaved, they may not sit down and tell a teacher that they’re struggling with grief.

They might become angry.

They may find it difficult to concentrate, become unusually quiet, start worrying about other people dying or seem completely fine before suddenly becoming upset.

A child may talk openly about the person who died one moment and want to play with their friends the next.

For school staff, understanding these responses can make an important difference.

Bereavement training for school staff can help teachers and wider school teams recognise how grief may present in children and young people, respond confidently and compassionately, and understand what they can do within the boundaries of their role.

How can grief affect a child at school?

Bereavement can affect children emotionally, socially, physically and academically.

But it doesn’t always appear in ways adults immediately associate with grief.

School staff might notice:

difficulty concentrating
changes in academic performance
anger or irritability
becoming unusually quiet or withdrawn
separation anxiety
tiredness or disrupted sleep
physical complaints such as headaches or stomach aches
increased worry about illness or death
changes in friendships
challenging behaviour
appearing younger or needing more reassurance
becoming upset unexpectedly
talking repeatedly about the person who died
seeming completely unaffected

A change in behaviour doesn’t automatically mean that grief is the cause.

But understanding bereavement can help staff look beyond the behaviour and consider what might be happening underneath it.

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Children can move in and out of grief

Children don’t necessarily experience grief in the same sustained way that adults expect.

A child may be deeply upset and then, shortly afterwards, ask what is for lunch or go outside and play.

That doesn’t mean they’ve forgotten what happened or that the death hasn’t affected them.

Children can move in and out of their grief, engaging with difficult feelings for a period and then turning their attention elsewhere.

As they grow and develop, they may also understand the death differently.

A bereavement that happened when a child was six may raise new questions when they are nine, twelve or sixteen.

Children don’t simply experience a bereavement once. They may revisit what the loss means as they grow.

When behaviour may be communicating something

Imagine a pupil who previously engaged well in lessons starts interrupting, arguing or refusing to complete work.

Another becomes extremely quiet.

Someone who was independent begins repeatedly asking whether their parent will be there at the end of the school day.

Without context, these behaviours can be interpreted simply as poor behaviour, disengagement or anxiety.

Sometimes they will have other causes.

But following a bereavement, behaviour may also be one of the ways a child communicates feelings they don’t yet have the language or confidence to express.

Bereavement training can help staff remain curious:

What’s changed?

What might this child be communicating?

What support might they need?

Understanding grief doesn’t mean excusing every behaviour.

It means responding to behaviour with greater understanding of what may be driving it.

Bereavement Training for Schools

The Loss Foundation provides expert-led bereavement training for school staff and education professionals.

Training can be tailored to the age of the children you support, staff roles within your school and the situations your team is most likely to encounter.

This could include:

how children and young people understand death
how grief changes with age and development
common and less obvious grief responses
how bereavement can affect behaviour and learning
talking to a bereaved child
language for conversations about death
supporting children returning to school after a bereavement
handling difficult questions
individual, family, cultural and religious differences in grief
maintaining appropriate professional boundaries
recognising when additional support may be needed
effective signposting
supporting classmates following a death
responding when a pupil or member of staff dies
supporting school staff affected by bereavement

What should you say to a bereaved child?

Adults can feel particularly anxious about talking to children about death.

They may worry about making the child more upset, saying the wrong thing or asking a question that feels too personal.

Sometimes that anxiety leads adults to avoid mentioning the bereavement altogether.

But children often notice when adults are uncomfortable.

Training can help staff use clear, age-appropriate and compassionate language, listen without feeling they need to provide an answer to everything, and allow the child to decide how much they want to talk.

Staff don’t need to become bereavement counsellors.

They need to know how to open the door to a conversation without forcing the child through it.

Returning to school after someone dies

For some children, school can provide valuable routine and familiarity following a death.

But returning can also be difficult.

They may worry about:

classmates asking questions
becoming upset during a lesson
teachers mentioning what happened
falling behind with work
being treated differently
leaving a surviving parent or family member
how to explain an absence
people avoiding them because they don’t know what to say

A thoughtful return can make school feel safer.

That doesn’t necessarily require complicated interventions.

It may mean agreeing who the child can speak to, what they want classmates to know, where they can go if they feel overwhelmed and how academic expectations will be managed initially.

Grief can affect learning

Bereavement doesn’t remain outside the classroom.

Grief can affect concentration, memory, motivation, sleep and emotional regulation — all of which can influence learning.

A pupil who previously completed work easily may struggle to focus.

Another may forget instructions.

Someone may become frustrated by tasks they could previously manage.

Temporary flexibility and understanding can help while maintaining the routines and expectations that may also provide stability.

The important thing is not to assume that because a child has returned to school, everything has returned to normal.

When someone within the school community dies

Schools may also face the death of a pupil, teacher or other member of staff.

Suddenly, bereavement isn’t affecting one child. It may be affecting an entire community.

Children will have had very different relationships with the person who died and may respond in very different ways.

Schools may need to think about:

how the death is communicated
what information can appropriately be shared
supporting pupils who were particularly close to the person
responding to questions and rumours
recognising different grief responses
supporting staff
communicating with parents and carers
remembrance and memorial activities
identifying pupils who may need additional support

Having staff with an understanding of grief can help schools respond calmly, consistently and compassionately when something extremely difficult happens.

Supporting school staff too

Teachers and school staff can also be affected when someone in their community dies.

A teacher may have known a pupil for years.

A teaching assistant may have worked closely with a child every day.

A member of staff may be supporting a bereaved pupil while dealing with a bereavement in their own life.

Professional relationships can be meaningful relationships.

Being a member of staff doesn’t mean a death can’t affect you.

Bereavement training can help teams understand appropriate boundaries while also recognising when staff themselves may need support.

Expert-led bereavement training for school staff

Our bereavement training is developed by Dr Erin Hope Thompson MBE, Clinical Psychologist and founder of The Loss Foundation.

Erin has extensive experience across the NHS, private and third sectors. Our training translates contemporary psychological understanding of grief into practical knowledge that school staff can use in everyday interactions with children and young people.

Training can be delivered online or in person and tailored to your school, pupils and existing pastoral provision.

Who is school bereavement training for?

Training can be adapted for:

Teachers – recognising how grief may affect learning, behaviour and emotional wellbeing.

Teaching assistants – responding confidently to grief within everyday interactions with pupils.

Pastoral and safeguarding teams – developing deeper knowledge of bereavement and when additional support may be appropriate.

Senior leaders – helping schools develop a confident and consistent approach to bereavement.

SEND staff – considering how communication and support may need to be adapted to individual needs.

Administrative and reception staff – responding compassionately to bereaved families and pupils.

Whole-school teams – creating a shared understanding of grief across the school community.