Recently, our Founder, Dr Erin Hope Thompson MBE, and our Chair of Trustees, Sarah David, joined the Something Comes Along podcast to talk openly about grief, bereavement, loss and the support that can make a difference after someone dies. Their conversation explored personal experiences of loss, common misconceptions about grief, the importance of connection, and why better bereavement training and education are needed across society.
Whether you’re grieving yourself, supporting someone who is, or simply wanting to understand bereavement more deeply, we hope some of the insights from the conversation are helpful.
In This Blog
- Why grief is still such a misunderstood experience
- The losses that led to the creation of The Loss Foundation
- Why many bereaved people feel isolated
- What helps (and what doesn’t) when supporting someone who is grieving
- Why saying a loved one’s name matters
- The truth about the “five stages of grief”
- Does time really heal grief?
- The importance of peer support and shared experience
- Can you prepare for someone’s death?
- Advice for anyone newly bereaved
Why We Need Better Conversations About Grief
Death is one of the few experiences every human being will encounter, yet many of us receive very little education about grief, loss or bereavement.
As Sarah reflected during the podcast, grief is one of life’s certainties, yet we rarely teach people how to support others through it or prepare them for the realities of loss. This lack of understanding can leave both bereaved people and those around them feeling uncertain, isolated and overwhelmed.
This is one reason why bereavement training is becoming increasingly important in workplaces, healthcare settings, charities and communities. Understanding grief doesn’t remove the pain of loss, but it can help us respond with greater confidence, compassion and humanity.
The Personal Losses Behind The Loss Foundation
The Loss Foundation was founded after Erin’s father died from cancer when she was 22 years old.
Following his death, Erin’s stepmother expressed a desire to connect with someone else who had lost a partner to cancer. Despite searching extensively, Erin discovered there was very little cancer-specific bereavement support available. While there were excellent organisations supporting people after particular losses, such as baby loss or suicide loss, there was a significant gap for people bereaved by cancer.
That gap became the starting point for The Loss Foundation.
Sarah’s experiences of grief were very different. She has experienced three sudden and devastating losses: her husband Jonathan, who died in a car accident; her mother, who died unexpectedly during the early days of the pandemic; and her son Robert, who died at the age of 23.
While every grief journey is unique, both Erin and Sarah spoke about a common reality: grief can be incredibly isolating.
Why Grief Can Feel So Lonely
Many people assume that support will naturally be available after a bereavement.
Often, there is an outpouring of support immediately after a death and around the funeral. Cards arrive. Messages flood in. People check in regularly.
But for many bereaved people, that support gradually fades.
The grief, however, does not.
Erin described how grief can become deeply isolating when others stop acknowledging the loss or avoid conversations about the person who has died. For many people, the silence can feel painful and disconnecting.
The loss remains a significant part of daily life long after everyone else appears to have moved on.
What Actually Helps Someone Who Is Grieving?
One of the most common fears people have is saying the wrong thing.
As a result, many say nothing at all.
Yet both Erin and Sarah highlighted that acknowledging the loss is often far more helpful than finding the perfect words.
Simple acts of kindness can have a lasting impact:
- Sending a card
- Dropping off a meal
- Checking in regularly
- Listening without trying to fix things
- Remembering important dates
- Giving someone permission to talk about their loved one
As Sarah put it:
“Do something. Write a card. Say the name. Make a meal. Bring it over. Drop it on the doorstep.”
People may not remember every conversation after a bereavement, but they often remember the people who showed up for them.
The Power of Saying Their Name
One of the most moving parts of the discussion centred on something surprisingly simple: using the name of the person who has died.
Sarah explained that one of the most generous questions someone can ask is:
“What was their name?”
Many bereaved people fear that others have forgotten their loved one or are avoiding mentioning them. Hearing their name spoken can feel like a gift.
It creates space for memories, stories and connection.
Importantly, mentioning someone’s loved one is not usually “reminding” them of their loss.
They’re already thinking about them.
What it often does is remind them that someone else remembers too.
The Problem with the Five Stages of Grief
If you’ve ever searched for information about grief, you’ve probably come across the “five stages of grief.”
During the podcast, Erin explained that this model was originally developed by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross to describe the experiences of people facing their own terminal illness, rather than the experiences of bereaved people.
While the model remains widely known, it is often misunderstood.
Grief does not typically unfold in neat stages.
People experience a wide range of emotions, including:
- Sadness
- Anger
- Guilt
- Relief
- Anxiety
- Loneliness
- Confusion
- Gratitude
- Love
And these emotions rarely arrive in a predictable order.
At The Loss Foundation, we often talk about grief as a deeply individual experience rather than a process people must move through in a particular way.
Does Time Heal Grief?
“Time is a healer” is one of the most common phrases people hear after a bereavement.
But is it true?
Both Sarah and Erin offered a more nuanced perspective.
Sarah described grief as a ball inside a jar. The grief itself doesn’t necessarily shrink, but over time the “jar” — your life — becomes larger. You grow around the grief.
Erin reflected that grief often becomes less raw over time, but that doesn’t mean it disappears. Rather, people gradually learn how to carry it while continuing to engage with life.
The challenge with phrases like “time heals” is that they can unintentionally imply that someone should be feeling better by now.
Grief doesn’t follow a timetable.
Instead of asking when grief ends, it can be more helpful to think about how people learn to live alongside it.
Why Peer Support Matters
One of the themes that came up repeatedly was the value of connecting with others who understand.
At The Loss Foundation, all of our support services are group-based. While one-to-one counselling can be incredibly valuable, our focus is on reducing isolation by bringing people together.
Whether through support groups, workshops or retreats, people often tell us that meeting others who “get it” is transformative.
During our bereavement retreats, attendees frequently arrive feeling nervous and uncertain. Within just a couple of days, many leave having formed meaningful friendships and connections with others who understand their experiences.
There is immense power in realising you’re not the only person carrying this kind of pain.
Can You Prepare for a Death?
When someone has a terminal illness, people sometimes wonder whether grief begins before the person dies.
Psychologists often refer to this as anticipatory grief.
Erin explained that when someone is seriously ill, family members may begin grieving the losses they are already experiencing – changes in the person’s health, abilities, independence or relationship dynamics.
However, anticipatory grief is different from the grief that follows a bereavement.
Even when a death is expected, many people find that the full impact only arrives afterwards, once the practical demands of caregiving and survival mode have eased.
One message both Erin and Sarah shared was the importance of expressing love while we can.
Say the things you want to say.
Not because it removes grief, but because it allows us to live more fully in the relationships we have now.
If You’re Newly Bereaved
Towards the end of the conversation, the host asked what single piece of advice they would give someone who has recently experienced a loss.
Erin’s answer was simple:
You don’t have to do it alone.
Sarah’s advice was equally powerful:
Be as kind and compassionate towards yourself as you can.
Grief is hard.
It can feel lonely, confusing and exhausting.
But support exists, and connection matters.
You Don’t Have to Navigate Grief Alone
At The Loss Foundation, we provide free cancer bereavement support through grief support groups and grief resources designed to help people feel less alone after loss.
If you’ve been bereaved by cancer, or you’re supporting someone who has, we hope this conversation serves as a reminder that grief is not something you have to carry by yourself.
Because while grief is one of the most difficult experiences we face, connection remains one of the most powerful sources of healing.
