When someone experiences a bereavement it can be really hard to know what to say and many of us clam up and may decide it’s better not to talk about the person’s loss or grief at all for fear of getting it wrong or upsetting them.
Today (Sunday 21st April 2024) marks National Tea Day, a day where we encourage you to sit down with friends and family who may be struggling with their grief and loss.
We’ve compiled a few tips that may be helpful if you don’t know how to tackle that elephant in the room…
Acknowledge the loss
This doesn’t have to be long. Saying things like “I’m so sorry about your mum” will express your sympathy and should also put your friend at ease as you are acknowledging what has happened and will make them know you’re not trying to skirt around their grief.
It’s ok if it’s uncomfortable
Take your friend’s lead – if they begin to share things with you or they break down that’s ok. Human beings often want to run for the hills when social situations become awkward but just be present in the moment and be there for them. If there are silences, that’s ok too, sometimes you don’t need to say anything at all.
🧠 Understand the ‘Stages’ of Grief
Many people first encounter grief through the idea of “stages,” but the model is often simplified or misunderstood.
Our Stages of Grief page looks at where the framework began, what each stage represents, and how it can support understanding – without suggesting that grief unfolds in a tidy order.
Explore the page to learn:
📘 A clear explanation of what the Five Stages are (and what they’re not)
🧭 Why grief rarely moves in a straight line
🌊 How feelings can rise and fall in waves
🧩 Other grief models that may resonate more with your experience
Let them feel the emotions
Remind them that it’s ok not to be ok. Grief brings up an array of wide ranging emotions (and although they can feel scary); all are perfectly normal.
Share a memory
If you knew that person who has died you could share one of your favourite memories such as “Do you remember the time your mum made that hilarious speech at your birthday party?”
Be specific in your offers for help
Rather than saying “I’m here for you if you need anything” be specific in your offers of help. For example, you could say “would you like me to help with getting you some shopping in?” This doesn’t only apply to the aftermath of the person’s death, your friend may be struggling days, weeks or years afterwards; grief has no time limit.
Try to avoid making it about you
It can be very tempting to share our own experiences and you may feel like you are making your friend feel better by talking about the time that someone close to you died but because grief is so personal, it’s better to avoid trying to compare what you have been through.
Try to not sugar-coat the situation
You don’t need to attempt to make the situation better. Often people mean well and want to cheer the person up so say things like “she’s in a better place now” or “she had a long life.” Statements like these may not be helpful and may lead to a disconnect between you.
Photo by Yaopey Yong on Unsplash
📝 Grief Processing Worksheets
13 Supportive Worksheets | 7 Audio Files
Work on processing your grief with worksheets designed by Clinical Psychologists to guide you through the complexities of grief.
- Equip yourself with practical, evidence-based tools to navigate your emotions.
- Reclaim a sense of hope and control on your journey.
- 7 bonus audio meditations to boost self-compassion and emotional regulation.
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Product on sale
Grief Processing Worksheet BundleOriginal price was: £10.00.£7.50Current price is: £7.50.
