When you are grieving, it can sometimes feel confusing to understand why your emotions change so much. One moment you may feel overwhelmed by sadness, memories, or longing. Another moment you may find yourself laughing, working, making plans, or focusing on everyday life.
The Dual Process Model of Grief may help explain why this happens.
Developed by grief researchers Margaret Stroebe and Henk Schut, the model suggests that grief is not a straight path. Instead, people often move between two different ways of coping: focusing on the loss and adjusting to life after the loss.
This idea can help many people feel less confused about their grief and understand that changing emotions can be a normal part of adapting to loss.
How can the Dual Process Model help someone who is grieving?
The Dual Process Model may help you understand that grief is not about feeling sad every moment or “moving on” in a fixed way.
It recognises two important parts of grieving:
Loss-oriented coping: making space for the pain of the loss
This is when your attention is focused on the person who died and what their absence means.
You might:
- miss them deeply
- look through photos or remember shared moments
- feel sadness, anger, guilt, or longing
- think about what you have lost
- struggle with the reality that they are gone
These moments can feel painful, but they are also part of processing the significance of the relationship.
Restoration-oriented coping: learning to live in a changed world
This is when your attention turns towards life after your loss.
You might:
- return to work or routines
- deal with practical responsibilities
- spend time with other people
- make plans
- discover new ways of living without the person
Some people feel guilty when they experience moments of normality after a death. The Dual Process Model suggests these moments are not a sign that you care less – they can be part of coping.
Is it normal to move between sadness and feeling okay?
Yes. The Dual Process Model suggests that many people naturally oscillate between loss-focused moments and restoration-focused moments.
You may have days when grief feels very close and painful. You may also have moments where you enjoy something, concentrate on a task, or feel a sense of peace.
Both experiences can exist together.
For example, someone might spend an evening crying while looking at old photographs, then the next day find themselves laughing with a friend. Neither moment cancels out the other.
Who might find this model helpful?
The Dual Process Model may be helpful for people who:
- wonder whether their grief is “normal”
- feel confused by changing emotions
- feel guilty for having moments of happiness
- worry that they are not grieving enough
- feel overwhelmed by intense emotions
- want to understand why grief comes in waves
It can provide a more flexible way of thinking about grief – one that allows both pain and moments of everyday life.
Can the Dual Process Model help after any type of loss?
The model was developed to understand bereavement after the death of someone, but many of its ideas may feel relevant to other significant losses.
People often need to process both:
- what has changed or been lost
- how to adapt to a new reality
The experience of grief can vary depending on the relationship, circumstances of the death, support available, and personal coping style.
Does using this model mean you should “work through” your grief?
No. The Dual Process Model is not a set of instructions or stages you have to complete.
It is a way of understanding that grief often involves movement between remembering the person who died and rebuilding life around the loss.
Some days you may need to feel the sadness. Other days you may need a break from it.
Both can be part of grief.
Parting thoughts
The Dual Process Model of Grief can be helpful because it reminds us that grieving is not a simple journey with a clear beginning and end.
You may move back and forth between missing someone and learning how to live without them. You may feel pain and moments of happiness. You may feel lost and slowly discover new ways forward.
These changes do not mean you are forgetting the person you lost. They are part of adapting to a life that has changed.
