If you’ve spent any time reading about grief, you’ve probably come across at least one grief model.
Perhaps it was the Five Stages of Grief. Perhaps it was the Dual Process Model, Continuing Bonds, or Meaning Reconstruction.
For many people, discovering a grief model can feel like a relief.
Finally, there is a framework that helps explain what is happening.
Finally, there are words for experiences that previously felt confusing.
And yet, there is something important to remember:
Grief models are not designed to tell us exactly how grief works.
They are designed to help us think about grief.
The Human Need to Make Sense of Loss
Loss can be deeply disorientating.
The death of someone important can challenge our assumptions about the world, disrupt our routines, change our relationships, and leave us questioning who we are and how we move forward.
When life feels uncertain, most of us naturally search for understanding.
We look for explanations.
Patterns.
Maps.
Grief models can provide some of that structure.
They can reassure us that what we are experiencing is not unusual. They can help us make sense of emotions that feel contradictory, confusing, or overwhelming.
For many people, that alone can be enormously comforting.
Different Models Highlight Different Parts of Grief
One reason there are so many grief models is because grief itself is incredibly complex.
No single theory can fully capture everything that happens after a significant loss.
Some models focus on emotions.
Others focus on coping strategies.
Others explore identity, relationships, meaning, or adaptation.
The Five Stages Model draws attention to some of the emotional responses that can arise following loss.
The Dual Process Model highlights the natural movement between engaging with grief and engaging with everyday life.
Continuing Bonds reminds us that our relationship with the person who died may continue in different ways.
Meaning Reconstruction explores how people rebuild a sense of meaning and identity after loss.
Each model offers a different lens through which to view the grief experience.
The Problem With Looking for the “Right” Model
At The Loss Foundation, we are sometimes asked which grief model is the most accurate.
The reality is that this is often the wrong question.
People are wonderfully complicated.
Two people can experience a similar loss and respond in completely different ways.
One person may find comfort in talking about the person who died every day.
Another may prefer to keep their memories private.
One may feel intense emotions.
Another may feel numb.
One may focus on practical tasks.
Another may spend months trying to make sense of what has happened.
All of these experiences can be valid.
The challenge comes when we start treating any single model as a rulebook rather than a framework.
What Grief Models Can Offer
When used well, grief models can help us:
- Feel less alone in our experiences
- Understand common reactions to loss
- Make sense of difficult emotions
- Find language for experiences that are hard to describe
- Reflect on our own grief journey
- Support others with greater compassion and understanding
Importantly, they can also remind us that grief is not something that needs to be “fixed”.
It is a natural response to losing someone or something important.
Holding Models Lightly
Perhaps the most helpful way to think about grief models is as guides rather than answers.
Like a map, they can help us navigate unfamiliar terrain.
But no map can capture every detail of a landscape.
And no grief model can fully capture the uniqueness of an individual person’s loss.
What matters most is not whether your grief matches a particular theory.
What matters is recognising that your experience is your own.
Grief models can help us understand aspects of that experience, but they do not define it.
Because grief is ultimately not a theory.
It is a human experience.
And human experiences are rarely as neat as the diagrams in a textbook.
Explore Grief Models
If you’d like to learn more about some of the most influential grief theories and frameworks, explore our Grief Models Hub, where we explain a range of approaches, including when models may be helpful, and things to keep in mind.
