Why does grief make me anxious? Why can’t I concentrate? Why do I feel jealous, guilty, exhausted or completely unlike myself?

These were just some of the questions explored in a recent webinar hosted by The Loss Foundation’s Dr Erin Thompson and grief advocate Luke from Too Young to Grieve.

Together, they discussed the often-overlooked relationship between grief and mental health, sharing both professional insight and lived experience.

If you’ve ever found yourself wondering whether what you’re experiencing is “normal”, this blog is for you.

Watch the full webinar at the end of this blog for the complete discussion.

Grief Affects More Than Just Your Emotions

When people think about grief, they often think about sadness.

But grief can affect every aspect of our wellbeing:

Anxiety
Brain fog
Low mood
Exhaustion
Loss of motivation
Health anxiety
Difficulty concentrating
Changes in identity
Feelings of guilt, jealousy or anger

As Erin explained during the webinar, grief is a whole-body experience. It’s not simply an emotional response to loss – it can affect how we think, feel, behave and even how our bodies function.

“I’m Overthinking Everything. Is That Grief?”

Many people described becoming more anxious after a bereavement.

Perhaps you find yourself:

Constantly worrying about loved ones
Obsessing over your own health
Feeling a sense of impending doom
Getting stuck in spirals of “what if?”

The answer is yes – grief and anxiety often go hand in hand.

When someone important dies, our brains become acutely aware that terrible things can happen. We may feel less safe in the world than we once did.

Luke described experiencing significant health anxiety after losing his dad to cancer, constantly worrying that something similar might happen to him or other people he loved.

What can help?

Remind yourself that anxiety is a common grief response.
Focus on small daily routines.
Spend time with people who understand grief.
Consider self-help resources or professional support if anxiety is affecting your ability to function.

Why Do I Feel Less Resilient Than I Used To?

A common question in grief is:

“I used to be so resilient. Why do I get overwhelmed by everything now?”

The truth is that grief places an enormous burden on our emotional resources.

When you’re carrying intense sadness, shock, fear or longing, there is often less capacity left for:

Stress
Decision-making
Work pressures
Social demands
Everyday inconveniences

Things that once felt manageable can suddenly feel impossible.

This isn’t a sign that you’re weak.

It’s a sign that you’re carrying something incredibly heavy.

“I Have No Motivation Anymore”

Loss often changes our relationship with purpose and motivation.

This can feel especially painful when the person who died was your biggest supporter, cheerleader or source of encouragement.

Luke reflected on how his dad had been a huge source of motivation in his life. After his death, many things felt pointless. University, football and future plans suddenly seemed much harder to care about.

Over time, many people find that they begin carrying their loved one’s values, encouragement and legacy forward.

But in the early days of grief?

It’s okay if simply getting through today is enough.

If motivation feels impossible:

Try making your goals tiny.

A walk around the block.
One email.
One meal.
One shower.

Grief often asks us to focus on the next moment, rather than the next year.

Why Do I Feel So Lonely?

Many bereaved people withdraw from others.

Sometimes this is because:

We don’t have the energy for socialising.
People say unhelpful things.
We feel misunderstood.
We worry about being a burden.

While solitude can sometimes feel protective, prolonged isolation often increases loneliness.

One of the most powerful antidotes to grief isolation is connecting with others who understand loss.

Whether that’s a support group, peer community or bereavement charity, being around people who “get it” can reduce the pressure to explain yourself or hide your grief.

Does Grief Change Who You Are?

In short: yes.

Many people describe a clear distinction between:

The person they were before their bereavement.
The person they became afterwards.

Grief can change:

Your priorities
Your beliefs
Your relationships
Your confidence
Your future plans
Your sense of identity

This can feel unsettling, particularly after the death of a parent.

Parents often act as guides, anchors and sources of reassurance. When they die, it can trigger questions such as:

Who am I now?
What do I want from life?
Where am I heading?

These questions can take time to answer.

And that’s okay.

Identity isn’t something we need to solve immediately.

“Life Feels Pointless Without Them”

This was one of the most powerful topics raised during the webinar.

Many grieving people experience thoughts such as:

“What’s the point?”
“I don’t care about life anymore.”
“I just want to be with them.”

These thoughts can feel frightening.

But they are often expressions of profound longing and love.

As Erin explained, there is an important difference between:

Wanting life to be different because you miss someone desperately

and

Actively wanting to end your life.

If you are experiencing thoughts of suicide or feel unable to keep yourself safe, please seek urgent professional support from your GP or a service such as the Samaritans.

However, many bereaved people experience moments of hopelessness, despair and questioning life’s meaning without wanting to die.

If that’s you, you’re not alone.

Focus on this moment

When life feels overwhelming, try narrowing your focus.

Not next year.

Not next month.

Just today.

What do you need right now?

Can Grief Cause Physical Symptoms?

Absolutely.

Many people are surprised by how physical grief can be.

Common physical symptoms include:

Fatigue
Sleep difficulties
Brain fog
Reduced concentration
Changes in appetite
Muscle tension
Feeling constantly exhausted

Part of this is because grief places the body under prolonged stress.

Many bereaved people also spend significant energy masking their grief at work, socially or within family life.

That emotional labour is exhausting.

Start with the basics

When you’re depleted, focus on:

Sleep
Food
Hydration
Fresh air
Gentle movement

Simple doesn’t mean insignificant.

Why Am I Jealous of People Who Still Have Their Parent?

This is one of the most common but least talked-about grief emotions.

You might see:

A father and son having a coffee together.
A family celebrating Father’s Day.
Someone phoning their mum.

And suddenly feel a wave of jealousy.

That doesn’t make you a bad person.

It makes you someone who misses what they’ve lost.

Often, the suffering comes not only from the jealousy itself but from judging ourselves for feeling it.

Instead of asking:

“Why am I so jealous?”

Try asking:

“What is this feeling reminding me that I miss?”

Guilt After Bereavement

Guilt is another frequent companion in grief.

People often ask themselves:

What if I’d done more?
What if I’d noticed sooner?
Why didn’t I say that?
Could I have prevented this?

This can be especially common following deaths linked to alcohol, drugs, illness or mental health difficulties.

One helpful distinction is the difference between guilt and regret.

Guilt says:

“I did something wrong.”

Regret says:

“I wish things had been different.”

Many bereaved people carry regret.

Far fewer are genuinely responsible for what happened.

How Do I Know If My Grief Is “Normal”?

This question comes up all the time.

The reality is that there is no single right way to grieve.

No checklist.

No timeline.

No stages you must complete.

However, it can be helpful to seek additional support if:

You feel persistently stuck.
Things are getting significantly worse over time.
You’re unable to engage with daily life.
Intense symptoms are not easing or evolving.
You’re struggling to keep yourself safe.

Seeking support isn’t a sign you’re failing.

It’s a sign you’re carrying something difficult and deserve help with it.

What About Antidepressants?

Medication won’t remove grief.

But for some people, it can reduce symptoms such as:

Severe anxiety
Depression
Sleep difficulties
Overwhelming distress

The aim is not to stop grieving.

It’s to help someone function well enough to engage with life and support.

Whether medication is right for you is a personal decision best discussed with your GP or healthcare professional.

Returning to Work After Bereavement

Many people feel enormous pressure to return to work and perform as normal.

The reality is that grief affects concentration, energy and productivity.

Helpful workplace adjustments might include:

A phased return
Reduced workload initially
Flexible working arrangements
Regular manager check-ins
Access to bereavement support

Most importantly, workplaces need to recognise that grief is not something someone “gets over” after a few days of leave.

It is a life-changing experience that deserves compassion and understanding.

A Final Thought

Throughout the webinar, one message came through again and again:

Much of what you are experiencing is normal.

Not easy.

Not pleasant.

Not something you would choose.

But normal.

Grief can make you anxious, exhausted, jealous, guilty, unmotivated and confused.

It can change your identity and challenge your sense of purpose.

None of that means you’re doing grief wrong.

It means you’re grieving.

And you don’t have to do it alone.

Need Support?

The Loss Foundation provides support groups, resources and courses for people bereaved by cancer. If you’re struggling, reaching out for support can be one of the most important steps you take.

Because grief may be universal, but it was never meant to be carried entirely on your own.

Mental Health and Grief: What People Wish They’d Been Told

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Grief Affects More Than Just Your Emotions

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