Grief research suggests that processing a loss is not a simple or predictable journey. Instead of following a fixed timeline or a series of stages, studies show that people often adapt to bereavement through a combination of emotional processing, meaning-making, and adjusting to life changes.
Modern grief research highlights that people cope with loss in different ways, and there is no single “correct” way to grieve.
Is grief a process of “letting go”?
Earlier theories of grief often suggested that people needed to detach from the person who died in order to recover. However, more recent research challenges the idea that healthy grieving means letting go completely.
Research on continuing bonds suggests that many people maintain an ongoing connection with the person who died through:
- memories
- traditions
- personal values
- stories
- rituals
- symbolic connections
This does not mean someone is unable to move forward. Instead, many people adapt by finding a new way to carry the relationship with them.
Related reading: Understanding continuing bonds in grief
What does research say about the stages of grief?
The popular idea of the five stages of grief – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance – is widely known, but research does not support the idea that everyone experiences grief in a fixed order.
Grief researchers have found that people may experience:
- sadness and longing
- anger
- relief
- confusion
- numbness
- acceptance
- moments of joy alongside pain
These emotions do not necessarily happen in a predictable sequence.
The stages model may help some people understand common reactions to loss, but current grief research views bereavement as more individual and complex.
What is the Dual Process Model and what does research show?
The Dual Process Model of grief, developed by Margaret Stroebe and Henk Schut, suggests that people cope with loss by moving between two types of experiences:
- Loss-oriented coping: focusing on the death, memories, emotions, and pain of the loss.
- Restoration-oriented coping: adapting to life changes, managing responsibilities, and rebuilding routines.
Research supports the idea that many grieving people naturally oscillate between confronting the loss and focusing on everyday life.
This means it can be normal to experience intense sadness one day and moments of distraction, laughter, or normality another day.
Related reading: Who Might the Dual Process Model of Grief Help?
Does research show that grief gets better over time?
Research suggests that grief often changes over time, but this does not mean the loss is forgotten.
Many people experience a gradual shift where:
- painful emotions become less overwhelming
- memories may become easier to hold
- daily life becomes more manageable
- the loss becomes integrated into their story
However, grief is not always a straight line. People may experience waves of grief triggered by anniversaries, places, songs, or important events.
These moments do not necessarily mean someone is “back at the beginning”; they can be part of adapting to a significant loss.
Related reading: When Grief Feels Hardest: Why Some Days Hurt More Than Others
How do people process loss psychologically?
Research suggests that processing loss often involves several overlapping tasks:
1. Accepting the reality of the loss
Many people need time to adjust emotionally and mentally to the fact that someone has died.
2. Experiencing and expressing emotions
Allowing space for emotions can help people make sense of what happened, although people differ in how openly they express grief.
3. Creating meaning
Meaning-making is an important area of grief research. People often try to understand:
- what the relationship meant
- how the loss changed them
- how they want to remember the person
4. Adapting to a changed life
Loss often creates practical changes, requiring people to develop new routines, roles, and ways of living.
Is avoiding grief harmful?
Research does not suggest that everyone needs to constantly talk about or focus on their grief to heal.
The Dual Process Model highlights that taking breaks from grief – through work, hobbies, socialising, or daily activities – can be part of healthy coping.
The key difference is whether someone is able to move flexibly between grieving and engaging with life.
Persistent avoidance that prevents someone from adapting may be more concerning than temporary distraction or emotional breaks.
What factors affect how someone grieves?
Research shows that grief is influenced by many factors, including:
- the nature of the relationship with the person who died
- circumstances of the death
- previous experiences of loss
- personality and coping style
- social support
- cultural beliefs and rituals
- available resources
This is why two people experiencing the same loss may have very different grief experiences.
What does modern grief research conclude?
Modern grief research suggests that grief is a personal process of adapting to life after loss. There is no single timeline, no universal emotional pattern, and no one correct way to grieve.
Evidence-based grief models, including the Dual Process Model, highlight that people often move between experiencing the pain of loss and rebuilding their lives.
Grief is not about forgetting someone. It is often about finding a way to live with the reality of the loss while continuing forward.
